Squally Doesn't Know
by escudo-blade
Summary: This is an AU fic that takes place in the FF8 universe with FF8 characters. It is my version of Eurotrip, and thus have some of their jokes. Inspired by the song [Scotty doesn't know] by Lustra
1. The Breakup

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy eight or the movie eurotrip. Though final fantasy seven is another story. . .  
  
(")==============/  
  
AN : This is based off of Eurotrip, though it will not be   
  
Chapter one : The breakup  
  
He hade finally done it, he had become a SeeD, a member of the best mercenary force known to the entire world. HIs girlfriend walked up to him after the ceremony while he was talking to his friend. She was a beautiful brunette about five feet and seven inches tall. She was thin and slender, and very nice curves. She kissed him as she approached, the taste lingering in his mouth.  
  
" I'm so happy for you Squall!." She said in a fake cheerfulness that only his friend caught. Though he paid no heed to it, instead focusing on other things that he felt were more important. He walked up to his friend's girlfreind and grinned.  
  
" Hey, I graduated too, don't I get a kiss?" He grinned again as she looked at him in slight disgustas she inched toward her boyfriend. " Oh well, hey Squall, you going to be at Irvine's party later?"  
  
" Maybe, I'm not exactly one for being around people Zell ." He nodded in acknowledgement as his friend excused himself to leave. " So, now you can graduate in a year and we can join together again as SeeDs in the same group." Squall was unaware that his friends Selphie and Nida, also known as the twins were watching them.  
  
" Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that , I'm dumping you" she said, making his look like that of a fishes. He stuttered for a while before he got any words out.  
  
" But why?" He said, somewhat heartbroken, she was one of the only people he oopened himself to and smiled at.  
  
" It's not you its. . . . there I go lying again, no, it is you. You are to cold and I can't take all of this cheating." She said ruthlessly, though without changing her cheerful tone by much.  
  
Squall was aghast," But I've never cheated on you!" She sighed at him and handed him a large grey trenchcoat.  
  
" Here your jacket back." She walked off, he easily recognized the coat as Seifer's, he wass greatly confused.  
"But this isn't mine, " he yelled out to her. "RINOA!!!"

"And he just yelled out to her, like that?" Zell asked Nida, laughing. " Haha, Rinoa!!, haha." He was silenced as   
  
Selphie hit him upside his head.  
  
"Be nice, besides, he's right there! Hasn't he already gone through enough?" She scolded Zell and Nida. Zell oonly looked at her like she was crazy.  
  
"You're acting like a girl"  
  
" I am a girl."She retorted back at the blond haired boy with a black tattoo at one side of his face.  
  
" No, you 're a cool guy with boobs."  
  
" So Squall, are you still going to go to the party?" Nida asked, wondering if his fellow man would be there.  
  
" Whatever, I'm not going to be put down by that bitch." They all were stung by the coldness in his voice that they hadn't heard in three years. Since before he had met Rinoa.

.

They were at the party,everyone wearing casual clothes, the only unusual difference was that Squall wasn't wearing his black jacket with the white fur. As they passed a person tied to a tree with rope and duct tape without any pants on they patted him on theshould and said, "Great party Irvine.".  
  
Zell walked away from them to get a drink, the twins went to get some too, Squall went to watch the band. A bad mistake.  
  
Squall looked to the stage when he heard a voice and was suprised to find Seifer up there with the band. What suprised him more was what he said next.  
  
" This song is for the nastiest fuck-puppet I know, Rinoa ." He moaned her name into the microphone. Rinoa pushed past Squall and ran up onto the stage to danceas Seifer started singing.  
  
_{ Squally doesn't know,   
That Rinoa and me,  
Do it in my van every Sunday.  
She tells him shes in church,  
But she doesn't go,  
Still shes on her knees, and...  
Squally doens't know, oh.  
Squally doesn't know-oh.  
So don't tell Squally!  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know.  
SO DON'T TELL SQUALLY! }  
_  
Zell walked forward and tripped intentionally into a hot tub, the hot girl who was already in it was shocked and said, " What are you doing here.!" The hot tub was by the patio connected to the house having a party.  
  
" Before I go I just got to tell you that you have something on you chest," Zell said getting up.  
  
""What is it?" He sat back down and looked at her.  
  
" It's right there, kind of under your right boob, naybe if you rubbed it it would come off." She did as she was instructed for about a minute.  
  
"Is it off yet?" She asked, getting worried something might be on her. He looked thoughtful.  
  
" Try taking ooff your bikini top, I think it's getting getting in the way." She took it off and rubbed for awhile more.  
  
" How about now?"  
  
" Not yet, here, let me try to get it off." She leaned forward to let him when her boyfriend Raijen came over.  
  
" Yo' Zell, what are ya doin' with my girlfirend ya' know?" The girl backed off and ran to Raijen. Raijen looked like he was about to kill Zell.  
  
Zell laughed nervously, "This isn't where I parked my car." He made to get up before Raijuen picked him up and threw him back at the party.  
  
_{ Rinoa says shes out shopping,  
But shes under me and I'm not stopping.  
Cuz Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know.  
So don't tell Squally...  
Scotty doesn't knoooow .  
DON'T TELL SQUALL!  
I can't believe he's so trusting,  
While I'm right behind you thrusting.  
Rinoa's got him on the phone,  
and she's trying not to moan.  
It's a three way call,  
and he knows nothing.  
NOTHING!!!  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know,  
Don't tell Squally.  
Cuz Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't knoooooow....  
SO DON'T TELL SQUALLY! }  
_  
"Why did you get me this drink Nida? You know I don't like this kind of drink." Selphie yelled at her twin.  
  
"You don't?!" Nida said simply. Selphie sighed annoyed with her brother.  
  
A completely random passing person said just loud enough for them to hear, "You are the worst twins ever."  
  
_{ What a show, everyone will go.  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't knoooooow....  
The, parking lot, why not?  
It's so cool when you're on top.  
His full on, your stuck.  
Life is so hard, cuz...  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know.  
I did her on his birthday.  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know,  
Squally doesn't know,  
Don't tell Squally.  
Squally doesn't knoooooow...._ }

Squall couldn't believe it, and yet he knew it to be the truth. He felt so . . . betrayed? Hurt? No, it was just, emptiness. And through this song so far, one this remained in his mind, "On my birthday? So that's where she was." The only thing that could have made this worse was that it had happened with His long-time enemy and rival. Which it did happen, and he wasn't so sure now that he was the only one that she had cheated on him with now.  
  
He couldn't believe he was so trusting.  
  
_{ Squally will know,  
Squally has to know,  
Squally's gotta know,  
Gonna tell Squally,  
Gonna tell him myself.  
Squally has to know,  
Squally has to know,  
Squally has to,  
Squally has to,  
Squally has to go!  
Squally doesn't know,  
(Don't tell Squally)  
Squally doesn't know,  
(Don't tell Squally)  
Squally doesn't know...  
Squally's gotta go! }_  
  
Zell landed right next to Squall as he was getting a drink and while trying to regain his composure, said, "This band rocks." He then got his own drink.

  
Squall had drank so much alchohol his only memory after the party was pissing and then turning around to flush the toilet.  
  
As Squal awoke he said something to himself, " I'm never drinking again." He got up and checked his e-mail, and to his relief, his Galbadian chat buddy had sent him and e-mail, it read as follows :  
  
**_Dear Squall Leonheart,  
  
I am sorry to hear abvout your girlfriend leaving you, I was wondering if you would like to arrange a meeting? I was planning on going there to check out a college anyways. Until you e-mail me back or we chat, aveto zen.  
  
Your friend, Quistis._**  
  
Zell had told that there were many forty year old guys that always wanted to 'arrange a meeting' and often pretended to be young males, well this man wouldn't be touching his genitals. So he swiftly wrote an e-mail that said so, along with something along the lines of ' I don't want to talk to you again you freak.'  
  
After he sent he he found out that he sister Ellone was right behind him when she said,"You do realize Quistis is a girl's name right?" When she said this he did something no one would think that the almighty and cold Squall Leonheart could do, he screamed. Not in a girlish way mind you, though it was still loud.  
  
As a pretty girl that seemed only a year older than Squall checked her e-mail, she said hurtfully, " If you do not want to talk to me Squall Leonheart, I do not want to talk to you." She then pressed a button on her computer that blocked him from talking to her. She then left to fulfill her duties as a Galbadian SeeD before she could go to check out colleges.  
  
Over in Balamb Garden, Squall found this out and arranged a meeting with Zell.  
  
AN/ tell me if you want me to continue this story, also check out my other story!


	2. Attempt to Galbadia

Disclaimer : Is this disclaimer really necessary? I honestly don't own Euro trip, or even final fantasy eight. This makes me cry at night.  
  
AN : I havn't seen this move for three weeks now, but seeing it so many times that day makes a lot of things stick up . . . I mean stick up in my mind. . . . oh you thought . . . perverted you are . . . control you lack . . . . I eat small people.  
  
  
Chapter : 2 : Attempt to Galbadia  
  
And so Zell had come at the urgings of his dear friend Squall.  
" What's the big deal man?" Zell asked, not really expecting anything important to spew from the mouth of his fellow SeeD mercenary.  
" I'm in love with Quistis!" Squall said to his friend , barely shocking him.  
" I was really expecting this." Zell said confusing his friend. " And I'm happy that you decided to come out to me first, I would have to pummel you if you didn't."   
" No Zell, Quistis is a girl." Squall retorted making Zell laugh a little.  
" Okay, I get it. " Zell said. "Sometimes he's the girl, sometimes your the girl, sometimes you're both girls," Zell grinned perversly, " That's hot."  
" No! Quistis is actually a girl, and I told her to keep her Galbadian hands off of my testicals!" Squall shouted at the fist fighter from Balamb.  
" Well than that seems to be the exact opposite of what you want now doesn't it." Zell said.  
" I even told her things that I would never have told you." Squall moaned.  
" What things?" The Dincht boy asked curiously.  
" Nothing. " Squall said.  
" Come on tell me! " Zell urged.  
" Whatever, it's just a figure of speech." Squall sighed thoughtfully. " I got to get there quickly. I'm going to Galbadia." He turned to Zell.  
" Correction, we're going to Galbadia." Zell said.  
" What about the twins?" Squall asked.  
" They said something about going to Timber." Zell replied.  
  
" What do you mean that there isn't a train going to Galbadia!" Squall yelled, starting to scare the woman who handled the ticket stand.  
" The last one departed yesterday, and another one won't be here for at least two weeks." The woman meekly replied. " There is, however, a train going to winhill. It cost twice as much than if you just waited."  
" Squall, we could always just do that delivery thing!" Zell shouted.  
" Explain."   
" My brother went to Esthar like five years ago for a college program. He was killed shortly after arriving because he didn't know their laws were reeally strict on the drinking age. " Zell said excitedly.  
" Zell, you don't have a brother." Squall said slowly, starting to doubt Zell's mental capabilities once again.  
" Exactly, but the point is we can get there cheap." Zell said.  
Squall sighed but accepted.   
  
_Ten Minutes Later . . ._  
" Zell," Squall said. They were riding in th e first class on the way to Winhill  
" Yeah." Zell said, answering his friends call.  
" Thanks man."  
" No, thank you. This is a great oppurtunity for me to expand my sexual horizons." Zell said in an inspiring tone of voice. This made Squall think a bit.  
" What do you mean Zell?" Squall said.  
" Galbadia is known for its sexual freedom and kinky sex."  
" You've thought a lot about this haven't you?" Squall asks, gaining a weird sort of sense of respect for his immature friend.  
" It's my passion."

_**ring...ring...ring**_  
" Hello," Zell said into his cell phone. He put his hand over it and said, "It's my boss from the office my ma got me a job at." He uncovered the phone, " Yes sir, I'm looking for the Webstein file right now. . . . . Yes sir, I'll get back to you on that."   
" I had a job as a park ranger before I decided to go on this trip." Squall said.  
" How did that go for you?"  
  
** FlashBack   
**_ Squall looked around, basking in the silence.  
" This isn't so bad. I wonder why they pay me so much.?"   
Suddenly a bear ran up and punched him in the face. " AHH!!" Squall fell down with a yell. The bear leaned down and started punching him from that angle. The damge done my the bear was two black eyes, a busted lip, a swollen cheek, a broken rib and a deep gash across the chest from where the bear swiped at him after it was done beating him up.  
  
After awhile, the bear went away, and even later Squall woke up. " Is it gone?" Suddenly a rabbit came up. " At least you're not a dangerous creature." Then the animal's eyes started to glow a fierce red and its mouth opened to reveal two rows of sharp teeth and fangs. It then leapt on top of him and bit his arm.  
" Not again!" Squall cried out painfully.  
_** End FlashBack   
**  
" It was alright." Squall said rubbing his arm subconciously.  
" Okay, wake me up when we get there." Zell said, the last Squall heard from him the rest of the way there was sleeptalking, and what he said almost made Squall crack a smile.  
" I'll give you the same advice my father gave me," Zell said in his sleep talking," they can't say no if they're inflatable."  
  
" So what do you want to do until our next train comes in? I hear the sights around here are pretty good." Squall said to his friend, as they had just gotten off in winhill.  
" I have a better idea since . . ." Zell said.  
" . . . There's no drinking age in Winhill?" Squall finished.  
" Exactly."  
  
_Twenty Minutes Later . . . ._   
" The Flipped-out Farmer Tavern?" Zell read, "Good enough for me." And with that, the two friends walked forward into the unknown reaches of the bar.  
" I'll have a whisky." Squall said to the bartender, this somehow made the rest of the bar become deafeningly quiet. He looked around. " What? "  
" What are ya doin in here lad? " A man said to them as his friends garbed in some weird red uniforms surrounded them.  
" Oh great, Triple Triad hooligans." Zell said exasperated.  
" We are the Winhill Triads. Now I repeat, who are ya?" The leader of the quiet mob said.  
" We are , uh, the president and vice-president of your fan-club." Squall said unsurely, he had forgotten his gun-blade, and he had been to one bar already. He wouldn't be able to take this many people on in a fight.  
" Prove it lad." One of them shouted, thus gaining many loud shouts of approval from the other crazy drunken hooligans.  
And so Squall started singing an old song, and about half -way through said, " Cuz I'll be watching the Winhill Triads on television because they are the best damn card team to ever exist!" About one-third of the way through the song Zell had joined him.  
The Triads looked around the room, staring at each other in a silent discussion. Then the leader said," Pretty damn good lad, pretty damn good." He said this while slowly nodding his head in approval. And for the next eight hours, all one could hear around there was the sound of drinking and partying. If one had looked through the window at the right time, they would see a triad member breaking a empty beer bottle on his head. And then Zell attempting to do the same, ending up knocked out on the pool table. Story of his life.  
  
Several hours later Squall woke up to the sound of Zell's snoring and wind blowing through his hair. " I'm never drinking again." Getting a better look around, he noticed he was on the second story of a big red bus, the second story didn't have a roof. A few feet away lay Zell, snoring and smelling of almost as much booze as Squall himself. His eyes widened as he went to wake up Zell.  
" Dude, wake the fuck up!" Squall shouted at Zell, who shot up at the sound.  
" What is it man?" He took a look around, " Let's go check out with the team downstairs alright?" With that he went downstairs to talk to some man still awake and drinking. Squall, noticing it was noon, quickly followed. He found the Triad Captain and leader and started a hurried conversation.  
" Where are we going?" Squall asked him fearfully, they could be anywhere by now.  
The man simply laughed, beer on his breath. "We're going to Monday Beach City, it's just each of Timber, those owlen bastards." Squall wondered if owlen was even a word. He brushed the thought aside and went to Zell, only to hear the end of their conversation.  
The end of it was of course Zell," Wow, you guys are on a whole new level of swearing over here."  
" Zell, we're going to Monday Beach City!" Squall nearly shouted at his best friend.  
" I know, butch here just told me." Zell replied. " I say we just go to Timber and then head to Galbadia from there."   
" That's it! We can go there and meet up with Selphie and Nida." Squall figured out quickly. He gestured toward Zell's pocket, "Call them up and tell them we'll be there tomorrow, arrange the meeting place and all that shit." And with that Squall went upstairs on the bus to think about everything until they got to Monday Beach City.  
  
AN: I won't tell you to review, though I certainly wouldn't mind. Tell me of any typos or spelling problems as well as anything flames you may have. Flames light the fire that burn down writers block. Whose idea was it to make that block out of wood anyway? Bastards.


End file.
